How the f**k are you gonna make me feel better?

If I said I was fed up, it would be an understatement. I told myself I wouldn’t get down about not having a job but I’m failing. I’m down to my last bit of money in my bank account and that has to go on petrol for my car because I’m now on the red light. Every time I start my car it beeps at me, telling me it needs fuel. I applied at several places a week or so ago and I’ve heard nothing back. One of the jobs I applied for has no number to call them because you had to either snail mail your CV and a cover letter in or email them it. I opted for email. At first I thought maybe I hadn’t heard anything was because my email was ‘sending’ the emails but they weren’t getting there. So I’ve just sent an email from that account to another of my email accounts and I sent one to that email account and they both arrived in my inbox..even if it was 3 minutes slow. I just rang 2 agencies about work and they both said I was on the list. One of them said they’d put my name on again to let whoever reads it know that I’m still available. The other told me to email my CV because they haven’t got an up to date something or other so I’ve just sent that. Tomorrow when I take George to pick up his prescription, I’m going to drop in at another agency and put my name on the availability register. I swear I’ll go nuts if they expect me to pop in every week to do it. I only live a mile and half or so from town but there is no way I’m walking in to do it to walk all the way home and I don’t have the cash to be paying for a car park for all of 5 minutes while I put my name and number on a bit of paper. If the British government could just wake up from it’s coma and stop acting like a scaredy cat doormat we might not have some many frikken asylum seekers in the country, we might not have high unemployment and I might actually be able to get a job. I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone around me is too scared to say anything for fear of being racist. Well I’ve got to the stage in my life where I don’t actually give a fuck who I offend. If you can’t stomach the truth then you should probably just get out of my face. Maybe if companies weren’t so hooked on having Polish workers who will do any amount of hours for any amount of pay then there would be more hopes for ACTUAL British citizens like me. And if the government wants to let these meal ticket seeking douche bags into our country then at least have the bollocks to segregate them to one area and not allow them out.

The only thing that is keeping me remotely sane is music. I have been into the Industrial music genre for a little over a year now but just recently I have REALLY gotten into it. I’ve pretty much removed all pop music from my iTunes playlists. I can’t bear to listen to the squeaky clean happy crap. Pop music is for those who have a perfect life and like to be lulled into the false sense that life is all rainbows, butterflies and ponies. I’m sorry but life isn’t one long perfect holiday.. it’s one big massive struggle full of ball ache. Or am I just one bitter and anger filled person? Maybe, but then if you had to deal with the mass amount of let downs and bullshit that I’ve had to, you would probably feel like this. You’d also understand why I don’t feel like making an effort to do things or see people anymore and I just prefer to put my headphones in my ears and shut the world out.

Last Friday was probably one of the best days for me. Claire and Danny came over for tea. Claire and I took a drive into town to pick up some pizzas. It was nice to have a good chat whilst we were out. When we got home and started to dish it all up, we were watching tv and chatting away. I have never ever laughed so much or had such random conversations. I really hope that we can do it all over again soon. The only thing worth looking forward to in the next week is next Saturday when George and I go to see Lee Evans in Sheffield. I can’t wait to have another night full of laughter and forgetting about all my problems.

Hamish’s ear is still torn to bits. He won’t stop scratching it and no matter what I do he ends up covered in blood. Him and William spent the night in the spare tank we have and I put them back in their original tank early this morning and so far so good.  I just need to figure out a way to stop him clawing at it. It’s a pain in the ass having to chase him round the tank so I can clean up the blood on his face and around his ear.

I’m still spending my afternoons making bracelets. I made a baby pink, grey and denim blue one. Here’s a photo of the 2 latest ones I’ve made.

I made an orange, lime green and yellow one but I’ve claimed that for myself because I hadn’t made myself one lol. When I have some cash I’m hoping to buy a big pack of silks to make more.